7 Signs You’re With The Wrong Partner

Written By:

Dr. Margaret Paul

Written By:

Dr. Margaret Paul

signs wrong partner 1

My clients often ask me, “How can I know that my partner is the right one for me?”

You have to start with knowing why you want to be in a relationship, and when it comes down to it, there are only two reasons people do this:

1. To get love, security, validation, and safety, or to have a child. Someone to complete you — to fill your emptiness and make you feel adequate and worthy.

2. To share love and companionship, and to grow emotionally and spiritually.

You need to BE the right partner before you can know if you’re with the right partner. That means you need to learn to love yourself, define your own worth, and fill yourself with love to share, rather than pursuing external validation. Ask yourself, “Am I filled with love to share, or am I needy and desperate to get love?”

If your intent is to get love rather than share love, then it’s likely that no relationship will ultimately be right for you. You have some internal work to do before anyone will be the right partner for you.

You don’t need to be “perfect” at loving yourself, but you do need to be working on learning to take responsibility for your own feelings of worth, adequacy, and safety.

If you fall into the second category (wanting to be in a relationship to give love and to grow), then ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is the person you’re with open to learning about themselves and about you?

Being open to learning how to love yourself and others — rather than being closed and defensive — is essential for sustaining a loving relationship. Partners cannot resolve conflict without being open to learning. The question to ask yourself is, “What does this person do in conflict?”

Some people can appear to be open and loving until a conflict occurs and then they get angry, withdrawn, resistant, or overly compliant. If they do close up, how long does it take them to open again? Obviously, if they get emotionally or physically abusive, they are not the right partner for you.

Being open to lovingly resolving conflict is essential for perpetuating a loving relationship.

2. Is your partner capable of caring, compassion, empathy, and acceptance for who you are?

If you find that your partner is incapable of feeling empathy, then he or she isn’t the right partner for you. A lack of empathy is one of the signs of narcissism.

3. Do you feel a basic spark of attraction? Do you like to be near this person? Do you like their smell?

If you do not feel physically attracted to this person within the first six months of the relationship, it’s likely an attraction will not develop. This person might be a good friend but not a romantic partner.

4. Does this person have a compulsion to win and be right?

This is the opposite of being open to learning and does not bode well for a relationship.

5. Do you share interests?

Can you do certain things together, or is there no overlap in what you like to spend your time doing?

6. Do you have common religious and political values?

Do you agree on topics like spending, parenting, eating, fitness, neatness, and punctuality? 

7. Does this person have any addictions that you find intolerable?

Alcohol? Prescription or recreational drugs? Food? sex addiction and/or porn? Gambling? Shopping or spending? TV, Internet, or video games?

When we love someone deeply, we love their essence — who they really are. But we all have an ego-wounded self, and the worst version of your partner needs to be tolerable to you. Don’t expect them to change. You get what you see.

If, when you go through this list, you find there are things that are not tolerable but you keep hoping they’ll change, you’re not with the right partner. You need to accept or leave. Expecting change will only lead to heartbreak.

Remember, you need to be the right partner to find the right partner. We attract at our common level of emotional well-being — self-abandonment or self-love. The better you are at loving yourself, the better your chance of attracting and sustaining a loving relationship.

Written by Margaret Paul, PhD
For information or to schedule a phone or Skype session: 310-459-1700 • 888-646-6372 (888-6INNERBOND) http://www.innerbonding.com

You may also like

6 Signs Of Untrue Love

If You Don’t Feel These 12 Things with Your Partner, It Isn’t Real True Love

Save Your Love For Someone Who Deserves It

6 Signs You Are in A Fake Relationship

You’re Only As Troubled As The Relationship You’re In

9 Good Signs That You’re In The Right Relationship

7 Signs You're With The Wrong Partner

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

, , , , ,

— About the Author —

Dr. Margaret Paul

CO-CREATOR OF INNER BONDING Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages. Dr. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967. Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world on the phone and on Skype. She is able to access her own and her client’s spiritual Guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. Her current passion is working on and developing content for this Website, as well as distributing SelfQuest, the software program that teaches Inner Bonding and is donated to prisons and schools, as well as sold to the general public. Margaret Paul, PhD information Anxious, Depressed, Addicted, Empty, Relationship struggles, Inner Bonding – The Power To Heal Yourself! http://www.innerbonding.com
Leave A Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work? 7 Useful Tips!

How to Make Long Distance Relationships Work? 7 Useful Tips!

Do you believe in long distance relationships? If you’re in one, you must know how satisfying and equally challenging it can get. Understanding how to make long distance relationships work, can, therefore, be the most important thing for you, right now!

Successful long-distance relationships (LDRs) are proof that even in today’s fast paced world of speed dating, ghosting, and phubbing, for some people at least, love is still about emotions, feelings, patience, values, faith, and trust.

For them, distance, carnal desires, and instant gratification don’t matter; what matters is to be true to their heart’s de

Up Next

Sudden Repulsion Syndrome: Why Does Love Turn To Disgust Overnight?

12 Sudden Repulsion Syndrome Symptoms: When Love Turns Sour

Ever looked at your partner and, out of nowhere, felt the ick? The way they chew, the way they breathe, even the way they exist near you suddenly feels unbearable. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing Sudden Repulsion Syndrome (SRS). Here’s a breakdown of what it might mean in your relationship!

This strange phenomenon can strike out of nowhere, especially in long-term relationships or marriage. One day, everything feels normal, and the next, you can’t stand being around your partner. But why does this happen? More importantly, how do you overcome it?

What Is Sudden Repulsion Syndrome In Marriage or Long-term Relationships?

Up Next

How To Get An Avoidant Ex Back: Do They Always Come Back After No Contact?

How To Get An Avoidant Ex Back? 8 Tricks Work Like a Charm

Do you love hard? And did it push your partner away, instead of pulling them closer? If yes, then you might be dealing with an avoidant! So, how to get an avoidant ex back? Let’s find out!

Reconnecting with an ex is challenging enough! To top it all off, if your ex is someone with an  avoidant attachment style, you have your work cut out for you.

Avoidants can’t handle emotional pressure or demands. They are hyper independent people who value their personal space a little bit too much.

And if you’re someone with an anxious attachment style, then chances are you have come on too strong, and scared them off.

Please don’t think you’re be

Up Next

7 Signs You’re Unknowingly Being Mean To Your Partner

Being Mean To Your Partner? 7 Toxic Habits To Watch For

Being mean to your partner doesn’t always look like full-blown fights or throwing personal insults around. More often than not, it’s those little, unintentional habits that slowly chip away at your relationship, and by the time you notice them, it’s already too late.

You might be under the impression that you are simply joking around or being honest with them, but have you ever asked your partner if they feel the same way as you? Maybe there are signs you are the toxic partner, but you have never really stopped and thought about it.

We all screw up sometimes, but recognizing the problem is the first step to fixing it. So, let’s break down some of the sneaky ways you might be being mean to your partner—without even realizing it.

Up Next

7 Signs Of Agape Love: What It Means To Love Unconditionally

7 Signs of Agape Love: What It Means To Love Unconditionally

We all know who messy modern relationships can be. Swipe right, swipe left, ghosting, breadcrumbing, situationships – it’s a circus out there and things are getting even crazier! In the midst of all this, exists something called “agape love”. Today, we are going to talk about what it is and the signs of agape love.

So, what keeps some relationships rock-solid when everything else feels disposable? It’s agape love. And once you experience and understand the characteristics of agape love in your life, it’s like an eureka moment.

You realize that true and unconditional love is more than butterflies and romantic gestures; it’s more about being there when it matters the most, even when things may seem tough.

Let’s first try to understand what is the meaning of agape love really.

<

Up Next

Are You Loud Looking For Love? Ditch The Games, Try This New Dating Trend

5 Benefits Of Loud Looking Dating Strategy

Ghosting, breadcrumbing, and all those exhausting dating games, who has the time anymore? If you’re over the confusion and just want something real, it’s time to embrace loud looking dating strategy!

What Is Loud Looking Dating Strategy?

As per Tinder’s Year in Swipe 2024, loud looking is all about putting your intentions out there, no filters, no second-guessing. Whether you’re searching for casual fun or your fu

Up Next

Dating a Reserved Person: 9 Simple Ways to Make Them Feel Loved

Dating a Reserved Person: 9 Tips for a Happy Relationship

Dating a reserved person is like opening a book with a locked cover and several layers – it takes time, finesse and patience to understand them. Don’t expect them to open up in the very first date itself, nor will they shout their love from the rooftops.

But once you understand how to handle their quiet charm and silent nature, you will discover that reserved individuals love very deeply, think profoundly and make some of the most loyal partners out there.

So, if you are dating a reserved man or woman, this article is going to help navigate dating them without making things awkward.

Related:

— Follow Us —