How To Spot A Narcissist On The First Date: 10 Tips

Written By:

Katarina Valentini

Written By:

Katarina Valentini

narcissist on the first date 1

Are you going on the first date that you were yearning for so long? What if your date is a narcissist? Do you know how to spot a narcissist?

Sometimes it might bode well for you to spot a narcissist when you are on your first date with them, otherwise, you will end up getting trapped in their web of lies, deceit, and manipulation.

Whenever we are on a first date, we usually worry way too much about how we are dressed, what we say, how we behave, and the like. Quite frequently, we are not anything like our normal self, as we are trying to make a really good impression on the subject of our affection. In fact, we try so hard that we end up looking a bit goofy and silly at best.

Narcissist

So who has the time to scan the person sitting across the table for potential signs that he is a narcissist, right? Well, luckily, it is really not that difficult to spot a narcissist in any social setting, and even less so if we are on a date with him.

Read 8 Best Flirting Tips To Bring A Shy Guy Out Of His Shell

Here Are Signs On How To Spot A Narcissist On A First Date:

Sign #1

The first likely sign on how to spot a narcissist is that he chooses the most expensive and trendy restaurant in the city, even if the food there is not necessarily the best. What matters is that you are dining in the most expensive place in town.

Sign #2

He will probably pick you up in his very expensive car, which will be extremely clean, so you will potentially be asked to dust off your shoes before getting in the car.

Sign #3

Another way to spot a narcissist is he will be better dressed than you are. Narcissists look like they just got off a photoshoot for a glam magazine, especially if they are on a mission to impress you.

Sign #4

He will behave like a true gentleman from the moment he rings at your door to the moment you sit at the table. He will open the door for you, take your coat, gallantly walk behind you as he leads you to your table, his hand resting on your lower back.

Sign #5

He will make sure you make an entrance when you walk into the restaurant because he wants all his friends and colleagues –  who will undoubtedly be dining there, at least some of them – to see you, the trophy date he is taking to dinner.

Sign #6

He will choose your food and wine. When he will engage in a conversation with the waiter, you will have the impression that he really knows what he is talking about as he explains just how the steak should be done and why that particular vintage is much better than the other one for the wine he selected.

Sign #7

He will be charming, expressing interest in you, seductive, flirting, and making you feel special.

Read: 5 Red Flags And Blind Spots When Dating A Narcissist

Sign #8

Even so, if we move on to sign number eight: he will dominate the conversation. Even when he asks you to say something about yourself, he will steer the conversation back to him. The whole evening will be about him, which is another signal about how to spot a narcissist.

Sign #9

You will go home feeling on cloud nine as you believe you have spent the most magnificent evening of your life.

Sign #10

When you wake up the following day, you’re already yearning for him. You’re hooked.

Not every narcissist is the same, some are more toxic than others. However, the first ideal date we had with him is no indication that the honeymoon will last. Sadly, the contrary happens more often than not.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is hard work and if you think that the Prince Charming from your first date will be making a regular appearance, you are unfortunately mistaken. Unless you make some changes about yourself and about your expectations of him, you will be regularly disappointed. 

Written By Katarina Valentini
Originally Appeared In Katarina K Valentini
Republished with permission
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— About the Author —

Katarina Valentini

Katarina Valentini is a qualified integrative-relational psychotherapist, an IIPA certified psychotherapist, a psychotherapist trainer, and a life coach, who specializes in narcissistic, borderline, and depressive disorders, and is also qualified to work with other psychological problems and needs. In her work, she integrates the traditional psychotherapy techniques with other techniques and methods such as Brainspotting, EMDR, Mindfulness, yoga, and meditation. As an integrative-relational therapist, she focuses on the therapeutic alliance between the therapist and the client and tailors the therapeutic approach to each individual. Katarina has built up a private practice where she provides therapies and counseling to individuals, couples, and groups, and organizes personal development workshops and training, and provides therapy live or online in English, French, Italian, and Slovenian.
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