How To Respond To Passive Aggressive Behavior?

Written By:

Written By:

Respond Passive Aggressive Behavior 1

Ever come across someone with passive aggressive behavior? Well, then youโ€™d know how tiring it can feel to deal with a bully. Hereโ€™s how to respond to them.

This post is going to dive deep into how to stop passive-aggressive behavior, and how to respond to passive aggressive behavior.

Passive-aggressive behavior is called โ€œcrazy-makingโ€ for a reason. If you complain about it, the perpetrator often acts as if youโ€™re the one with the problem, and theyโ€™re just an innocent victim of your inexplicable frustration.

What Does It Mean To Have Passive Aggressive Behavior?

People who behave in passive-aggressive ways are not necessarily bad people. In fact, theyโ€™re often good peopleโ€”so good that they donโ€™t want to impose on anyone by asserting their needs or opinions openly.

Most of us at one time or another have used passive aggression with friends, family, or coworkers:

  • If youโ€™ve ever reluctantly agreed to go to something, then found a reason to bail out at the last minute, that was passive-aggressive.
  • If youโ€™ve ever asked a question you already knew the answer to, just to find out what the other person would say, that was passive-aggressive.
  • If youโ€™ve ever pretended not to receive an email or text, rather than just responding โ€œNo,โ€ that was passive-aggressive.

Related: Are You Passive-Aggressive In Your Relationship?

passive aggressive behavior

This list isnโ€™t to shame you; itโ€™s to help you understand that passive-aggressive behavior is not evil; itโ€™s simply an attempt to avoid potential conflict.

Most of us donโ€™t realize when weโ€™re using a passive-aggressive communication style. Thatโ€™s why itโ€™s not a good idea to accuse perpetrators of manipulation. If theyโ€™re not aware of what theyโ€™re doing, theyโ€™ll deny it, and might even accuse you of making trouble.

The best way to respond to someone whoโ€™s using a passive-aggressive style is to hold up a mirror. Let them see the goals, objectives, wants, or needs in what theyโ€™re saying or doing. Be a smooth, reflective surface that helps them realize their own hidden agenda.

passive-aggressive behavior

The Hidden Agenda

When someone makes a critical remark disguised as an innocent question, such as, โ€œAre you going to eat that whole thing?โ€ or โ€œDo you like your sonโ€™s hair like that?โ€ the best response is to ask calmly and politely, โ€œWhat do you mean?โ€

That simple question holds up a mirror and shows them their own agenda. Usually, the person will either rephrase or say, โ€œNever mind. Forget I asked.โ€

In response to nonverbal behavior that feels passive-aggressive, offer a non-judgmental observation of what happened, and let the other person explain himself or herself.

For example, if you invite me to lunch twice and I cancel twice, you might say, โ€œHey, Tina, I notice that you canceled both our lunch dates. Iโ€™d like to have lunch with you, but Iโ€™m not sure whether to ask you again.โ€

The first part is not an accusation; itโ€™s an established fact: I canceled twice. But notice the I-statement that follows: Iโ€™d like to have lunch with you, but Iโ€™m not sure what to do here. Keep it about you, and ask the passive-aggressive perpetrator to help you clear up the confusion.

Related: 7 Ways To Deal With Verbally Aggressive People

Good Boundaries Are Important To Deal With Passive Aggressive Behaviour

passive aggressive behavior

Try to remain calm and friendly when responding to passive aggression. Remember, itโ€™s (usually) not on purpose. If they knew better, theyโ€™d do better. Be a role model for how to talk about things openly, without being scared or scary.

Responding to passive aggression is good practice for those of us working on boundaries. If you tend to take on the task of figuring out how to please, or at least read, other people, observing their behavior and asking them about it is a boundaried alternative.

Related: Emotional Blackmail And Its 7 Signs

Keep a metaphorical mirror in your pocket, and hold it up to passive-aggressive behavior. Donโ€™t take it on.

(If you liked this post, you might also enjoy A Passive-Aggressive Thanksgiving.)

Share your thoughts in the comments below if you have experienced or dealt with such individuals.


Written by Tina Gilbertson, LPC
Originally appeared on Psychology Today
Republished with permission
How To Respond To Passive-Aggressive Behavior pin
How To Respond To Passive-Aggressive Behavior pinop
Respond Passive Aggressive Behavior pin

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How Delusional Confidence Can Help You Succeed (Even If You Doubt Yourself)

5 Reasons Why You Should Practice Delusional Confidence

Society tells us to be humble, to wait our turn, to only claim what we can prove. But what if the secret to success isnโ€™t waiting for proofโ€”itโ€™s acting like you already have it?

Some of the most successful people in history werenโ€™t necessarily the smartest, the most talented, or the best prepared. They were the ones who refused to entertain doubt. They acted as if their success was inevitableโ€”until it was.

Delusional confidence is not about arrogance or ignorance; itโ€™s about choosing belief over fear, faith over hesitation. Itโ€™s about backing yourself so hard that the universe has no choice but to meet you halfway.

Up Next

A Gentle Guide To Spring Cleaning Every Part Of Your Life

Spring Clean Your Life in 8 Simple Steps!

If youโ€™ve been feeling stuck, unmotivated, or just a little off, youโ€™re not alone. The start of the year can be tough, and sometimes, it feels like weโ€™re just going through the motions. But with spring finally here, itโ€™s the perfect opportunity to reset, refresh, and spring clean your lifeโ€”not just your home, but your mind, habits, and daily routine.

Think of it as a fresh start, a chance to let go of whatโ€™s been weighing you down and make space for new energy and motivation. Whether itโ€™s decluttering your space, breaking free from negative habits, or simply creating more time for yourself, a little spring cleaning can go a long way.

Here are some things you can do over the next few weeks to glow up and snap out of the funk.

Up Next

The โ€˜Grass Is Greenerโ€™ Syndrome: Why You Always Want More (But Never Feel Satisfied)

5 Toxic Signs Of Grass Is Greener Syndrome: Do You Relate?

Do you ever feel like no matter what you have, something better is always out there? That nagging feeling that your relationship, job, or life in general could be more exciting, or just… better? If so, you might be dealing with the Grass is Greener Syndrome.

Itโ€™s that restless voice in your head that constantly wonders if you made the wrong choice. You scroll through social media and see people seemingly living their best lives, traveling to exotic destinations, landing dream jobs, or being in picture-perfect relationships. 

And suddenly, what you have feels dull in comparison. This constant chase for something โ€œbetterโ€ can be exhausting and, more importantly, prevent you from appreciating the present moment.

Letโ€™s learn more about it if you find yourself getting stuck in the โ€˜Grass is Gr

Up Next

5 Key Mindset Shifts To Make Your Dreams Come True

5 Powerful Mindset Shifts That Will Make Your Dream Life a Reality

Mindset shifts are the key to manifesting your dream life.

Every year, I set goals and made vision boards, convinced that this time, things would change. But by the end of the year, nothing had moved. It felt like I was stuck in the same place, no matter how hard I tried.

Eventually, I realized the problem wasnโ€™t my goalsโ€”it was my mindset. I had limiting beliefs running the show, quietly holding me back from everything I wanted. My thoughts were filled with self-doubt, and deep down, I didnโ€™t truly believe I could have the life I was dreaming of.

So, I made a change. I started paying attention to my thoughts and replacing negative ones with self-affirming beliefs. I stopped questioning if I was “good enough” or if my dreams were “too big.” Instead, I started acting as if

Up Next

15 Profound Universal Truths To Understand The Human Condition

15 Profound Universal Truths to Understand the Human Condition

Have you ever noticed how some truths about life just hit different? These universal truths about the human condition are the kind that stick with you long after youโ€™ve heard them.

KEY POINTS

Well-written memoirs often share universal truths that connect with readers on a deeper level.

Universal truths are many, and each of us can have our own unique set.

Learning about others’ universal truths can help you find our own way.

In my memoir writing workshops, I always emphasize the importance of each story having a universal truth. While many are w

Up Next

Are You Too Non Confrontational? Hereโ€™s How Itโ€™s Sabotaging Your Life

Is Being Non Confrontational A Bad Thing? 5 Clear Reasons

Are you the type of person who stays silent even when something bothers you, just to keep the peace? If so, you might consider yourself as a non confrontational personality. But what if I told you that this trait might be doing you harm, more than helping you?

While avoiding confrontation might seem like the best way to maintain peace in relationships and workplaces, it often comes at a high cost. Letโ€™s dive into why being non confrontational is affecting you and how you can strike a balance between peacekeeping and standing up for yourself.

Up Next

7 Surprising Benefits Of Touching Grass (Youโ€™ll Want To Do It Daily!)

7 Cool Benefits Of Touching Grass: (You Should Try It!)

Ever heard someone say, โ€œGo touch some grassโ€? Itโ€™s an internet slang often thrown around as an insult, telling people to log off and reconnect with reality. But behind the sarcasm, thereโ€™s actual wisdom in those words. So, let us explore the real benefits of touching grass.

We spend hours glued to screens, scrolling or doom scrolling through social media, binge-watching shows, or getting lost in heated online debates. Spending too much time online can leave you feeling disconnected, drained, and overwhelmed.

The constant floo