How Radical Acceptance Can Help You Get Through Tough Times

How Radical Acceptance Can Help You Get Through Tough Times 1

โ€œClearly recognizing what is happening inside us, and regarding what we see with an open, kind and loving heart, is what I call Radical Acceptance.โ€ โ€“ Tara Brach

While you bang on the wall, you hear yourself proclaim: โ€œI canโ€™t take this.โ€

You are suffering.

You resist reality.

When midlife hits there are so many things to resist.

For Lynn it was the death of her husband, for Annette it was the loss of her parents, for Ellie it is betrayal and divorce, for Lily, it was her cancer diagnosis, and for Viv, it was her financial crisis.

The challenges of midlife donโ€™t quit, and the walls donโ€™t help.

Radical Acceptance is the skill for letting our walls down. Radical Acceptance is the most promising skill that Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers. It is also the most complicated to conceptualize, and the most difficult to practice.

Most of us resist instead of accepting.

On the other side of our walls lies the pain, grief, disappointment, regret, and other things that seem unbearable.

We built the walls to protect ourselves, but the problem is, we need to travel beyond them to problem-solve, make a change, and find peace. We actually have to enter the pain in order to tolerate the pain. As Robert Frost said, โ€œThe best way out is always through.โ€

Radical Acceptance is the first step into and out of misery.

Read 8 Ways You Can Regulate Your Emotions

Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT, says it like this: โ€œRadical Acceptance means complete and total openness to the facts of reality, as they are, without throwing a tantrum.โ€

In other words, no walls. This is radical.

Here are three reasons why we need to Radically Accept

1. Denying reality does nothing to change reality.

Just because you donโ€™t talk about it, feel it, see it or listen to it doesnโ€™t make it disappear. And jumping up and down while you hold your breath doesnโ€™t make the bad things stop. It just makes you pass out. And even when you turn your back on the cloud, itโ€™s still there. The truth is reality hovers and waits for you to take it in.

No matter how hard Annette tried, she couldnโ€™t keep her parents from dying. And despite Vivโ€™s denial, her finances needed help. She needed to face facts and make changes.

2. All change begins with acceptance.

You may confuse acceptance with approval or giving in. They are not the same thing.

There are many things we must accept even though we donโ€™t agree with them. And accepting doesnโ€™t mean things canโ€™t change. In fact, all change starts with acceptance of what is.

Lily needed to accept her cancer diagnosis in order to find the best treatment. Ellie had to come to terms with her marriage ending and find a way to move on. Both Lily and Ellie experienced pain.

Radical Acceptance
Radical Acceptance

3. Pain cannot be avoided.

It is just a part of life. We are built to tolerate pain. But when you donโ€™t accept pain it turns into agony.

In DBT we say:

Pain + Non-acceptance = Suffering.

Avoiding all cues that are associated with pain ensures two things: the pain will continue, and suffering will ensue.

After her husband died, Lynn refused to leave her bed. Over and over the thought, โ€œI donโ€™tโ€™ want thisโ€ looped in her head. โ€œ I refuse to accept that heโ€™s not here. This should not have happened. โ€œ

But the reality remained. Lynn had to find a way to go on with her life.

Lynn started taking five minutes a day to lie on her living room couch and accept that her husband had passed. Palms up, face relaxed, she would take a breath, open her mouth and let out a sigh while saying to herself, โ€œFor this moment, I accept that Ken is gone.โ€

Over time she was able to accept and let herself cry on walks. Next, she was able to hold some of his belongings while she accepted that he was gone. Her wall of resistance was softening, and though she felt grief, the suffering became less.

The way to Radically Accept is to do it radically โ€“ which means you do it all the way, with your full body, mind, and spirit. And often, itโ€™s a practice, not a one-time fix.

Read The Stages Of Grief: Ways To Cope With Loss and Minimize The Pain

You have to stop pounding the wall. Instead, gently lean your body against it and slowly let yourself slide down to the ground, soften your face, gentle your breath, turn the palms of your hands open and, just for this moment, accept what is.

And then do it again.

Radical Acceptance is your entry into misery and the way out of hell.

You can get in touch with Dr. Cecilia Dintino by joining the Twisting The Plot email list.ย 


Written By Cecilia Dintino
Originally Appeared In Twisting The Plot
Radical Acceptance Can Help You Get Through Tough Times Pin
How Radical Acceptance Can Help You Get Through Tough Times pin

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How Delusional Confidence Can Help You Succeed (Even If You Doubt Yourself)

5 Reasons Why You Should Practice Delusional Confidence

Society tells us to be humble, to wait our turn, to only claim what we can prove. But what if the secret to success isnโ€™t waiting for proofโ€”itโ€™s acting like you already have it?

Some of the most successful people in history werenโ€™t necessarily the smartest, the most talented, or the best prepared. They were the ones who refused to entertain doubt. They acted as if their success was inevitableโ€”until it was.

Delusional confidence is not about arrogance or ignorance; itโ€™s about choosing belief over fear, faith over hesitation. Itโ€™s about backing yourself so hard that the universe has no choice but to meet you halfway.

Up Next

A Gentle Guide To Spring Cleaning Every Part Of Your Life

Spring Clean Your Life in 8 Simple Steps!

If youโ€™ve been feeling stuck, unmotivated, or just a little off, youโ€™re not alone. The start of the year can be tough, and sometimes, it feels like weโ€™re just going through the motions. But with spring finally here, itโ€™s the perfect opportunity to reset, refresh, and spring clean your lifeโ€”not just your home, but your mind, habits, and daily routine.

Think of it as a fresh start, a chance to let go of whatโ€™s been weighing you down and make space for new energy and motivation. Whether itโ€™s decluttering your space, breaking free from negative habits, or simply creating more time for yourself, a little spring cleaning can go a long way.

Here are some things you can do over the next few weeks to glow up and snap out of the funk.

Up Next

The โ€˜Grass Is Greenerโ€™ Syndrome: Why You Always Want More (But Never Feel Satisfied)

5 Toxic Signs Of Grass Is Greener Syndrome: Do You Relate?

Do you ever feel like no matter what you have, something better is always out there? That nagging feeling that your relationship, job, or life in general could be more exciting, or just… better? If so, you might be dealing with the Grass is Greener Syndrome.

Itโ€™s that restless voice in your head that constantly wonders if you made the wrong choice. You scroll through social media and see people seemingly living their best lives, traveling to exotic destinations, landing dream jobs, or being in picture-perfect relationships. 

And suddenly, what you have feels dull in comparison. This constant chase for something โ€œbetterโ€ can be exhausting and, more importantly, prevent you from appreciating the present moment.

Letโ€™s learn more about it if you find yourself getting stuck in the โ€˜Grass is Gr

Up Next

5 Key Mindset Shifts To Make Your Dreams Come True

5 Powerful Mindset Shifts That Will Make Your Dream Life a Reality

Mindset shifts are the key to manifesting your dream life.

Every year, I set goals and made vision boards, convinced that this time, things would change. But by the end of the year, nothing had moved. It felt like I was stuck in the same place, no matter how hard I tried.

Eventually, I realized the problem wasnโ€™t my goalsโ€”it was my mindset. I had limiting beliefs running the show, quietly holding me back from everything I wanted. My thoughts were filled with self-doubt, and deep down, I didnโ€™t truly believe I could have the life I was dreaming of.

So, I made a change. I started paying attention to my thoughts and replacing negative ones with self-affirming beliefs. I stopped questioning if I was “good enough” or if my dreams were “too big.” Instead, I started acting as if

Up Next

15 Profound Universal Truths To Understand The Human Condition

15 Profound Universal Truths to Understand the Human Condition

Have you ever noticed how some truths about life just hit different? These universal truths about the human condition are the kind that stick with you long after youโ€™ve heard them.

KEY POINTS

Well-written memoirs often share universal truths that connect with readers on a deeper level.

Universal truths are many, and each of us can have our own unique set.

Learning about others’ universal truths can help you find our own way.

In my memoir writing workshops, I always emphasize the importance of each story having a universal truth. While many are w

Up Next

Are You Too Non Confrontational? Hereโ€™s How Itโ€™s Sabotaging Your Life

Is Being Non Confrontational A Bad Thing? 5 Clear Reasons

Are you the type of person who stays silent even when something bothers you, just to keep the peace? If so, you might consider yourself as a non confrontational personality. But what if I told you that this trait might be doing you harm, more than helping you?

While avoiding confrontation might seem like the best way to maintain peace in relationships and workplaces, it often comes at a high cost. Letโ€™s dive into why being non confrontational is affecting you and how you can strike a balance between peacekeeping and standing up for yourself.

Up Next

7 Surprising Benefits Of Touching Grass (Youโ€™ll Want To Do It Daily!)

7 Cool Benefits Of Touching Grass: (You Should Try It!)

Ever heard someone say, โ€œGo touch some grassโ€? Itโ€™s an internet slang often thrown around as an insult, telling people to log off and reconnect with reality. But behind the sarcasm, thereโ€™s actual wisdom in those words. So, let us explore the real benefits of touching grass.

We spend hours glued to screens, scrolling or doom scrolling through social media, binge-watching shows, or getting lost in heated online debates. Spending too much time online can leave you feeling disconnected, drained, and overwhelmed.

The constant floo