The Secret To Overcoming Life’s Challenges

Written By:

Written By:

Secret Overcoming Lifes Challenges 1

What are your biggest challenges in life? Think of a profoundly difficult issue you are facing. Something that has to do with your inner life, about how you think and feel, or something you want to avoid.




It could be the sadness of a loss; anger from a betrayal; anxiety from a challenging situation; or any of a thousand other such agonies. Do you have something in mind?

Next, peek around to see that no one is looking and then put your body into a posture that shows you at your absolute worst when dealing with this issue. I want your body to reflect from the outside what it is like to be you on the inside at your most ineffective, or helpless, or overwhelmed. Actually, assume that position, feel what it feels like, and then take a mental snapshot of what your body looks like. Do you have it?



Great! Now I want you to do the opposite: What does your body look like when you are at your very best in dealing with a difficult problem? Imagine you at your most effective, in tune, or empowered with that issue. Express that with your body. Actually do it. Don’t hold back (come on, no one is looking after all), feel what it feels like, and then take another mental snapshot of your body.

Related: 30+ Dalai Lama Quotes to Enrich Your Life With Wisdom

What Your Body Already Knows

If you are like most of us, your first snapshot showed someone closed up. Perhaps your arms were tucked in. You may have looked down, and your eyes may have slightly closed. Your legs might have been pulled in, or you may have curled up in a kind of fetal position as if trying to hide. You may have slumped over as if totally defeated.




In your second snapshot, however, you were probably in an open posture. Your head likely came up, your eyes opened wider, and your hands relaxed. Your arm may have extended out and you might have stood up and even walked about in large steps. 

This simple exercise reveals that you already know a good deal about what science shows is and is not good for you as you contend with your problems. Your body assumed first an avoidant posture and then one of flexible openness and action. You know that it does not work to hide, fight, or flee and that it works far better to open up, and to embrace your problems and learn from them.

I’ve done this exercise with thousands of people in my workshops, and my research team has studied hundreds of people around the world doing it. So far the results are the same whether you live in the US, or Canada, or Iran. People assume more closed postures at their worst, and notably more open postures at their best.

Related: 70 Rumi Quotes That Will Help You Understand Life Better

How To Live With Openness

Over the last thirty-five years, my colleagues and I have studied a small set of skills that say more about how human lives will unfold than any other single set of mental and behavioural processes previously known to science. That is not an exaggeration. 

In over 1,000 studies, we’ve found that these skills help determine why some people thrive after life challenges and others do not, or why some people experience many positive emotions (joy, gratitude, compassion, curiosity) and others very few. And at the centre of these skills is this open and flexible stance towards one’s own pain.




Related: The Mystery of Attention: Intention vs. Openness

You can already feel the benefit of living in an open, kind, mentally present, and purposeful way. And if you are willing to live from this stance with yourself and others, you (and those you love) will reap wonderful psychological benefits. Naturally, there is much more to learn about these skills than can be covered in a single article (you can learn more about it in my new book A Liberated Mind).

It’s about learning not to turn away from what is painful, and instead turning toward your suffering in order to live a life full of meaning and purpose.

This is what Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT) is all about, and it is at the core of what we call psychological flexibility: The ability to accept our pain and live life as we desire, with our pain when there is pain. That’s the secret to overcoming challenges in life.

acceptance

Related: How Acceptance Is Different Than Giving Up

We can transform our lives by seeking not to eradicate our difficult thoughts and emotions, or numb them away, but to cultivate psychological flexibility, which allows us to accept them for what they are and not let them rule our lives. It is what we do that matters, and that gives us the means to live in a way that is richly meaningful to us, despite even the hardest of life’s challenges.

How do you overcome challenges in your life? Let us know in comments below.





Written by: Steven C. Hayes, PhD
Originally appeared on: Stevenchayes.com

Republished with permission.

Secret Overcoming Lifes Challenges pin


— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How Delusional Confidence Can Help You Succeed (Even If You Doubt Yourself)

5 Reasons Why You Should Practice Delusional Confidence

Society tells us to be humble, to wait our turn, to only claim what we can prove. But what if the secret to success isn’t waiting for proof—it’s acting like you already have it?

Some of the most successful people in history weren’t necessarily the smartest, the most talented, or the best prepared. They were the ones who refused to entertain doubt. They acted as if their success was inevitable—until it was.

Delusional confidence is not about arrogance or ignorance; it’s about choosing belief over fear, faith over hesitation. It’s about backing yourself so hard that the universe has no choice but to meet you halfway.

Up Next

A Gentle Guide To Spring Cleaning Every Part Of Your Life

Spring Clean Your Life in 8 Simple Steps!

If you’ve been feeling stuck, unmotivated, or just a little off, you’re not alone. The start of the year can be tough, and sometimes, it feels like we’re just going through the motions. But with spring finally here, it’s the perfect opportunity to reset, refresh, and spring clean your life—not just your home, but your mind, habits, and daily routine.

Think of it as a fresh start, a chance to let go of what’s been weighing you down and make space for new energy and motivation. Whether it’s decluttering your space, breaking free from negative habits, or simply creating more time for yourself, a little spring cleaning can go a long way.

Here are some things you can do over the next few weeks to glow up and snap out of the funk.

Up Next

The ‘Grass Is Greener’ Syndrome: Why You Always Want More (But Never Feel Satisfied)

5 Toxic Signs Of Grass Is Greener Syndrome: Do You Relate?

Do you ever feel like no matter what you have, something better is always out there? That nagging feeling that your relationship, job, or life in general could be more exciting, or just… better? If so, you might be dealing with the Grass is Greener Syndrome.

It’s that restless voice in your head that constantly wonders if you made the wrong choice. You scroll through social media and see people seemingly living their best lives, traveling to exotic destinations, landing dream jobs, or being in picture-perfect relationships. 

And suddenly, what you have feels dull in comparison. This constant chase for something “better” can be exhausting and, more importantly, prevent you from appreciating the present moment.

Let’s learn more about it if you find yourself getting stuck in the ‘Grass is Gr

Up Next

5 Key Mindset Shifts To Make Your Dreams Come True

5 Powerful Mindset Shifts That Will Make Your Dream Life a Reality

Mindset shifts are the key to manifesting your dream life.

Every year, I set goals and made vision boards, convinced that this time, things would change. But by the end of the year, nothing had moved. It felt like I was stuck in the same place, no matter how hard I tried.

Eventually, I realized the problem wasn’t my goals—it was my mindset. I had limiting beliefs running the show, quietly holding me back from everything I wanted. My thoughts were filled with self-doubt, and deep down, I didn’t truly believe I could have the life I was dreaming of.

So, I made a change. I started paying attention to my thoughts and replacing negative ones with self-affirming beliefs. I stopped questioning if I was “good enough” or if my dreams were “too big.” Instead, I started acting as if

Up Next

15 Profound Universal Truths To Understand The Human Condition

15 Profound Universal Truths to Understand the Human Condition

Have you ever noticed how some truths about life just hit different? These universal truths about the human condition are the kind that stick with you long after you’ve heard them.

KEY POINTS

Well-written memoirs often share universal truths that connect with readers on a deeper level.

Universal truths are many, and each of us can have our own unique set.

Learning about others’ universal truths can help you find our own way.

In my memoir writing workshops, I always emphasize the importance of each story having a universal truth. While many are w

Up Next

Are You Too Non Confrontational? Here’s How It’s Sabotaging Your Life

Is Being Non Confrontational A Bad Thing? 5 Clear Reasons

Are you the type of person who stays silent even when something bothers you, just to keep the peace? If so, you might consider yourself as a non confrontational personality. But what if I told you that this trait might be doing you harm, more than helping you?

While avoiding confrontation might seem like the best way to maintain peace in relationships and workplaces, it often comes at a high cost. Let’s dive into why being non confrontational is affecting you and how you can strike a balance between peacekeeping and standing up for yourself.

Up Next

7 Surprising Benefits Of Touching Grass (You’ll Want To Do It Daily!)

7 Cool Benefits Of Touching Grass: (You Should Try It!)

Ever heard someone say, “Go touch some grass”? It’s an internet slang often thrown around as an insult, telling people to log off and reconnect with reality. But behind the sarcasm, there’s actual wisdom in those words. So, let us explore the real benefits of touching grass.

We spend hours glued to screens, scrolling or doom scrolling through social media, binge-watching shows, or getting lost in heated online debates. Spending too much time online can leave you feeling disconnected, drained, and overwhelmed.

The constant floo