How To Forgive Yourself

Written By:

Written By:

how to forgive yourself forgiveness 1

Self-forgiveness. Itโ€™s not a term we hear often. It is commonly eclipsed by literature, articles, and speakers touching on the topic of how to forgive others. In Alcoholics Anonymous, we are taught to forgive those who we are resentful of and to pray for those who have hurt us so that we can release ourselves from the bondage of our own resentment and self-will.

But what about the difficult task of forgiving ourselves?

As humans, we have the tendency to focus on getting others to forgive us. โ€œIf only they would forgive me for my mistake, I would feel better.โ€ โ€œIf they can forgive me, Iโ€™ll obviously be able to forgive myself.โ€

But that is so far from the truth.

Have you ever been forgiven by another, only to ruminate later about whatever it is you did wrong and how you โ€œshould haveโ€ done differently?

Related: 10 Signs Of Self-Hatred And How To Overcome

Self-forgiveness begins and ends internally. The reality is that we may never be fully forgiven by others, but that absolutely does not mean that we cannot find inner peace by forgiving ourselves. Additionally, even if everyone else that we have wronged forgives us, we will not feel peace and contentment until we truly forgive ourselves.

I am a firm believer that we cannot shame our way into growth.

Quite the contrast, it is by the way of self-forgiveness and self-compassion that we can acknowledge our shortcomings and move forward with strength, empowerment, and self-love.

self forgiveness

So How Do We Forgive Ourselves?

Like any problem-solving process, the first step is to first acknowledge what it is your need to forgive yourself for. If you are so burdened by the weight of your past actions of ways you are currently falling short of your chosen ideals, start by honing in on one specific thing.

This may sound trivial, but the little moments each day that we fall short of who we want to be can accumulate and add to a growing abyss of shame and self-deprecation.

So we pick one thing that we are shaming ourselves for and hone in on it.

Now, we add some reality and fact-checking to it. Am I really a bad person to the core? No. Was my intention to cause harm? No. Is it possible that Iโ€™m only human and in that moment I was feeling overwhelmed by a plethora of different life circumstances which caused me to lash out? Yes. Is this a reflection of who I am as a person? No.

Related: 15 Ways To Be Kind To Yourself (Especially When Feeling Down)

Already, sanity and self-compassion are returning. The next step is looking at how we can change our actions.

Talk is cheap. We all know this. I can apologize for something until Iโ€™m blue in the face, but unless I change my behavior, that self-forgiveness is never going to manifest internally because my intentions and actions are not aligned.

We call this being in a state of cognitive dissonance.

Simple (yet sometimes difficult) solution: change our actions!

Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past

There doesnโ€™t need to be much explanation there. If I am upset with myself for lashing out, I change my behavior by acknowledging that I was in a bad mood, apologizing for my behavior, and making an internal note to be more appreciative and patient with my significant other, even when Iโ€™m hangry. (Hanger is real. For me, I get super angry when Iโ€™m hungry. Do you?)

If I am beating myself up for speaking badly about a friend behind their back, when that is something I judge harshly in others, I need not shame myself repeatedly. All I can do is acknowledge where I fell short, which I will continue to do because Iโ€™m human and innately imperfect, forgive myself, and set the intention to change. Even just one day at a time.

I set intentions every morning. Today my intentions are to practice courage over comfort, try to be cognizant of the tendency to become judgmental, and practice love and tolerance.

I hope this post was helpful in figuring out how to forgive yourself.

Related: 12 Things You Should Forgive Yourself For

Remind yourself on a daily basis:

  • You are human. You are not perfect.
  • You cannot shame yourself into growth.
  • There is no benefit of ruminating and continuing to shame yourself.
  • We cannot receive forgiveness until we truly forgive ourselves.
  • Action speaks louder than words. Change your action.

You are worthy of self-forgiveness. We all are.


Written By Hannah Rose  
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today 
how to forgive yourself forgiveness pin

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How Delusional Confidence Can Help You Succeed (Even If You Doubt Yourself)

5 Reasons Why You Should Practice Delusional Confidence

Society tells us to be humble, to wait our turn, to only claim what we can prove. But what if the secret to success isnโ€™t waiting for proofโ€”itโ€™s acting like you already have it?

Some of the most successful people in history werenโ€™t necessarily the smartest, the most talented, or the best prepared. They were the ones who refused to entertain doubt. They acted as if their success was inevitableโ€”until it was.

Delusional confidence is not about arrogance or ignorance; itโ€™s about choosing belief over fear, faith over hesitation. Itโ€™s about backing yourself so hard that the universe has no choice but to meet you halfway.

Up Next

A Gentle Guide To Spring Cleaning Every Part Of Your Life

Spring Clean Your Life in 8 Simple Steps!

If youโ€™ve been feeling stuck, unmotivated, or just a little off, youโ€™re not alone. The start of the year can be tough, and sometimes, it feels like weโ€™re just going through the motions. But with spring finally here, itโ€™s the perfect opportunity to reset, refresh, and spring clean your lifeโ€”not just your home, but your mind, habits, and daily routine.

Think of it as a fresh start, a chance to let go of whatโ€™s been weighing you down and make space for new energy and motivation. Whether itโ€™s decluttering your space, breaking free from negative habits, or simply creating more time for yourself, a little spring cleaning can go a long way.

Here are some things you can do over the next few weeks to glow up and snap out of the funk.

Up Next

The โ€˜Grass Is Greenerโ€™ Syndrome: Why You Always Want More (But Never Feel Satisfied)

5 Toxic Signs Of Grass Is Greener Syndrome: Do You Relate?

Do you ever feel like no matter what you have, something better is always out there? That nagging feeling that your relationship, job, or life in general could be more exciting, or just… better? If so, you might be dealing with the Grass is Greener Syndrome.

Itโ€™s that restless voice in your head that constantly wonders if you made the wrong choice. You scroll through social media and see people seemingly living their best lives, traveling to exotic destinations, landing dream jobs, or being in picture-perfect relationships. 

And suddenly, what you have feels dull in comparison. This constant chase for something โ€œbetterโ€ can be exhausting and, more importantly, prevent you from appreciating the present moment.

Letโ€™s learn more about it if you find yourself getting stuck in the โ€˜Grass is Gr

Up Next

5 Key Mindset Shifts To Make Your Dreams Come True

5 Powerful Mindset Shifts That Will Make Your Dream Life a Reality

Mindset shifts are the key to manifesting your dream life.

Every year, I set goals and made vision boards, convinced that this time, things would change. But by the end of the year, nothing had moved. It felt like I was stuck in the same place, no matter how hard I tried.

Eventually, I realized the problem wasnโ€™t my goalsโ€”it was my mindset. I had limiting beliefs running the show, quietly holding me back from everything I wanted. My thoughts were filled with self-doubt, and deep down, I didnโ€™t truly believe I could have the life I was dreaming of.

So, I made a change. I started paying attention to my thoughts and replacing negative ones with self-affirming beliefs. I stopped questioning if I was “good enough” or if my dreams were “too big.” Instead, I started acting as if

Up Next

15 Profound Universal Truths To Understand The Human Condition

15 Profound Universal Truths to Understand the Human Condition

Have you ever noticed how some truths about life just hit different? These universal truths about the human condition are the kind that stick with you long after youโ€™ve heard them.

KEY POINTS

Well-written memoirs often share universal truths that connect with readers on a deeper level.

Universal truths are many, and each of us can have our own unique set.

Learning about others’ universal truths can help you find our own way.

In my memoir writing workshops, I always emphasize the importance of each story having a universal truth. While many are w

Up Next

Are You Too Non Confrontational? Hereโ€™s How Itโ€™s Sabotaging Your Life

Is Being Non Confrontational A Bad Thing? 5 Clear Reasons

Are you the type of person who stays silent even when something bothers you, just to keep the peace? If so, you might consider yourself as a non confrontational personality. But what if I told you that this trait might be doing you harm, more than helping you?

While avoiding confrontation might seem like the best way to maintain peace in relationships and workplaces, it often comes at a high cost. Letโ€™s dive into why being non confrontational is affecting you and how you can strike a balance between peacekeeping and standing up for yourself.

Up Next

7 Surprising Benefits Of Touching Grass (Youโ€™ll Want To Do It Daily!)

7 Cool Benefits Of Touching Grass: (You Should Try It!)

Ever heard someone say, โ€œGo touch some grassโ€? Itโ€™s an internet slang often thrown around as an insult, telling people to log off and reconnect with reality. But behind the sarcasm, thereโ€™s actual wisdom in those words. So, let us explore the real benefits of touching grass.

We spend hours glued to screens, scrolling or doom scrolling through social media, binge-watching shows, or getting lost in heated online debates. Spending too much time online can leave you feeling disconnected, drained, and overwhelmed.

The constant floo