Dating is hard. Finding love is harder. But what is even harder is to go on a date and find true love as a strong and independent woman. You have a happy and meaningful life and you don’t “need” a man to complete you or make you happy. You have a great career, fulfilling passions and hobbies, have supportive friends and family and you genuinely love yourself.
However, for some reason, you find it hard to attract decent guys who would love you and care about you for who you are. Are independent and mentally strong women doing something wrong? Are they unlovable because they love themselves? Or are they too independent to let a man take the lead in a relationship?
“A common misconception about strong women is that we don’t need the hand-holding, the flowers, and the nice gestures, and what I’ve found to be true is that it’s the strong women who want it the most.” – Nicole Curtis
The independent woman is happy with her life. But that doesn’t mean she is not looking for a man to love her and care for her. However, she is not going to spend every waking hour of her life looking for a guy.
Although she doesn’t necessarily want to be alone, she is not one to make dating the most important thing in her life. This is perhaps exactly what repels most guys. And that’s where the problem lies. But just because a strong woman doesn’t need a man, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t want one.
What do I mean by strong and independent women?
“Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror.” – Bryon Katie
Let me ask you what do you think a strong and independent woman is like? Someone who is happy with themselves? Someone who can take care of themselves? Someone who is comfortable being alone?
That is exactly what an independent woman is. Someone who is self-reliant, self-aware, and self-loving. Someone who is not desperate to find a partner. Someone who can support themselves, financially and emotionally. Someone who is happy just by being who they are.
Read: 15 Traits of A Mentally Strong Woman
She knows how to make things happen and how to get things done. She is motivated and passionate about her education, her career, and her life. She goes all out to pursue her dreams and she does it all by herself.
But somewhere she has been programmed to believe that she can’t rely on any man to help get where she wants to. To be there for her. To support her. To love her. And this makes her a bit suspicious of men who try to treat her right and be nice to her. She finds it hard to accept such generosity from men as she believes there are some conditions attached to it.
What Strong Women Often Get Wrong About Finding Love
Being happy with yourself and not needing a man to take care of you can often come with its own set of unique struggles and problems. Here are a few challenges independent women face when it comes to dating:
1. Finding a ‘MAN’ can be really hard
When you are a strong woman, it can be really challenging to meet a man who meets your standards. As you have a fulfilling and meaningful life yourself, you have a long wish list of qualities and traits you want in your man. However, most guys lack the confidence, courage, and strength to take the pressure and show you the love you truly deserve.
Read: 7 Powerful Warrior Traits A Strong Woman Looks For In A Man
2. You can be intimidating to men
Most men don’t know how to deal with women who are strong and independent, especially if you are more successful than them. Their inferiority complex holds them back from approaching you and even if they did, it would lead to a disastrous relationship. With very few men out there who are as mentally strong and independent as you are, you will find dating a stressful experience.
3. You can appear emotionless
Being a confident, self-reliant, and self-loving person, you don’t feel needy or desperate for a boyfriend or a relationship. And so you’re not comfortable with a guy who is too clingy or needy.
Being independent, you have your own dreams and passions to follow and you want your man to pursue his own interests as well. Someone who will challenge you to grow yet loves and support you at the same time. To the wrong guy, this kind of behavior can make you look cold and heartless as he thinks you don’t value him enough.
4. You want him to love you, but you want to be alone too
Independent women love their alone time. You enjoy your own company and you are comfortable with being just by yourself, unwinding and reflecting after a hard day of work. But you also crave company and the warmth that the unconditional love of a man can offer you. And this can make you more confused than you need to be.
But does it mean that you can’t get a boyfriend? Does it mean you can’t attract men as you scare them away? No. You can definitely attract men with your confidence and charisma. The question is can you attract the men you want to attract? Can you attract the right men?
This is why strong women can’t attract the right men.
Smart, successful, independent and strong women are usually comfortable with their masculine energy, sometimes even more than the feminine energy that makes them loving and receptive. And this is why she finds it hard to build a meaningful, loving, and lasting relationship.
However, this masculine energy does not help her in attracting a loving, caring soulmate. But that doesn’t mean she can’t attract men. The problem is she ends up attracting all the wrong men.
Attracting men is easy for independent women. The kind of man who relies on his woman to provide for him and do all the hard work. Weak and submissive men who don’t respect themselves and in turn are unable to respect her. As long as you want to take the lead in a relationship, you will only attract men who are willing to be your followers. Men who are comfortable with their feminine energy, sometimes even more than the masculine energy that makes them protective, loving, and provide for you.
How to find true love as a strong and independent woman
“A strong woman builds her own world. She is one who is wise enough to know that it will attract the man she will gladly share it with.” – Ellen J. Barrier
A relationship is not something that you should want to accomplish, conquer or lead, like your career or other aspects of your life. When you want to attract a soulmate, you need to focus on attracting a person who will love you for who you are.
A man who is your equal and treats you like his queen, but sees himself as the king too. So if you wish to find true love as a mentally strong woman, then you must learn to be receptive when it comes to love and relationships. This is how you can build a long-term, committed relationship with a man who will respect you as much as he respects himself.
Instead of taking home any hot guy who will hit on you, you need to believe that you deserve love, just like you believe in yourself in every other aspect of your life. You need to have patience and identify the men who will work hard to attract you. Wait and watch who vies for your attention.
Who puts in the most effort to treat you the way you deserve to be treated and then some. Instead of going into a relationship with a guy who you find sensually appealing, commit to a person who has proven that he wants you as his woman, who is gentle, loving, and kind. Who makes an effort to understand you and appreciate you. A man who has proven that he will always be there beside you. Someone you can finally rely upon.
Attract the man who loves you as you are
“The best protection any woman can have, is courage.” – Elizabeth Cady Stanton
The only way for you to find true love and build a lasting romantic relationship is for you to open your heart and let your guard down a bit. Be more receptive in matters of the heart and allow love to flow into your life.
When you find a man who proves that he loves you, wants to be committed, and shows that he is in it for the long haul, then you need to allow him into your life and your heart. Being strong doesn’t mean you close yourself off. Being strong doesn’t mean you protect yourself and keep yourself from getting hurt emotionally.
Being strong means that despite all the risks of getting your heart broken, you dare to fall in love because you know that no matter what happens, you’ll be fine.
Read: 11 Reasons Why Strong Women Always Get Hurt The Worst
This is how strong women love. This is their way of being as they have the limitless inner strength to build a meaningful relationship that lasts a lifetime. This is their way of balancing their feminine and masculine energies and attracting their soulmates.
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