Why You Should Start Seeing Your Mistakes As Mirrors

Written By:

Kacie Main

Written By:

Kacie Main

Should Start Seeing Mistakes As Mirrors 1

Start seeing your mistakes as mirrors “Wisdom comes from making mistakes, having the courage to face them, and make adjustments moving forward based upon the knowledge acquired through those experiences.” ― Ken Poirot

I recently listened to an Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations podcast with writer Tracy McMillan. She said something early in the interview that caused me to pause mid-mascara application and gasp. As Oprah would say, it was an ah-ha moment.

“The relationship that you’re having with another person is the same one that you’re having with yourself.”

In my mind, Tracy then dropped the mic and walked off set. Boom.

This concept that our relationships are a reflection of what’s going on inside us is not new to me. I’ve heard it before. But something about hearing it that morning was different. Call it awareness, as I’m in a very self-reflective phase of life. Or call it mindset, as we only truly hear things when we are ready to. Or maybe just chalk it up to timing, as I embark on the journey of attempting to open my heart to a new man.

Whatever the reason, this statement literally stopped me in my getting ready tracks.

Tracy continued, saying our relationships “mirror back our deepest, most unconscious beliefs about ourselves.”

Related: 10 Signs Of Self-Hatred And How To Overcome

That really got me thinking – what relationship was I having with myself during my tumultuous relationship years? What did I unconsciously believe about myself?

I know after failing at my first attempt at love, I became very guarded, not wanting to feel that pain again. That guard successfully kept everyone at an arm’s length. I so desperately wanted to feel a true connection again, but I just wouldn’t let anyone close enough.

mistakes as mirrors

At the time, I didn’t see it that way. I didn’t see that I was the cause of my deep-rooted loneliness. All I saw was he’s just not that into me, he didn’t choose me, no one wants me, and several other self-deprecating thoughts.

And so began the emergence of an underlying theme – I’m not good enough; I’m not worthy.

Looking at it through Tracy’s lens, if that was the relationship I was having with myself, it’s no wonder I then attracted my next several relationships… relationships where I apparently wasn’t worthy of being a priority; wasn’t worthy of being the chosen one; wasn’t worthy of being the only one.

I’ve always viewed those years of my life as an aberration – a weird time when for some unknown reason I unexpectedly abandoned my values and lost all integrity. I mean, how could I not think that? Integrity is defined as a “firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.” Getting involved with a married man is by no means moral. The definition doesn’t allow for many ifs, ands, or buts.

I knew I never maliciously pursued the role of the other woman out of a desire to steal anyone away from their home. That wasn’t me. But I also did nothing to stop it. Maybe I allowed it to happen because I didn’t think I deserved better. Maybe I settled for an unacceptable situation because I wasn’t accepting of myself.

Riddled with shame, guilt, and pain from those years and those decisions, I went back into guarded mode. Only this time the wall was stronger, taller, thicker. So I guess it’s no surprise that my next relationship was with someone equally as emotionally unavailable.

Related: A 5-Step Guide To Escape The Guilt Trap

I dove heart-first into that relationship, gave it my all. Probably too much. Unaware of my own issues, all I saw were his. And I lost myself completely trying to make it work. Abandoned myself. And then he abandoned me.

I let that play on repeat again and again until I finally opened my eyes and saw the pattern. I finally realized it was me. I was attracting men who didn’t know how to love another because I didn’t know how to love myself. I wasn’t the victim. I was the villain.

Before the end of the interview, Tracy dropped one last self-reflection bomb – she said that we unknowingly seek out what we need to heal, and that’s why we can trust our mistakes.

Trust our mistakes. That’s not a common thought. Instead, we often let our mistakes define us. Or at least I did. I stayed in relationships I had no business being in, therefore I was a coward. I let men hurt me and then I went back for more, therefore I was a fool. I knowingly played the role of the other woman, ipso facto I had no integrity.

But maybe, just maybe, we are looking at it the wrong way.

Perhaps what we often view as mistakes are really life’s way of showing us what we need to work on. An opportunity to see and confront our relationship with ourselves. In that regard, are they really mistakes? Or are they necessary evils?

What if our mistakes aren’t meant to define us, but instead to guide us? And true integrity is seeing them for what they really are – lessons.

making mistakes

I unknowingly felt unworthy for a long time. And my relationships during those years clearly reflected that. But maybe it wasn’t an aberration. Maybe it was all part of a larger lesson plan… one that would eventually teach me the crucial key to loving someone else is to first love myself.

Each relationship reflected the deeper issues within me that I had to confront. Each relationship was a layer I had to peel back until I finally got back to me. It was a difficult, uncomfortable, multi-layered lesson that lasted several years with several setbacks, but I had to sit through it to learn it. I had to complete it.

Maybe we are presented with exactly what we need in order to grow. If you’re religious, call it God. If you’re not, call it life. If you’re spiritual, call it the Divine. If you’re a little woo woo like me, call it the Universe. The name doesn’t matter. The concept is the same.

And that concept, however you define it, consistently shows us who we currently are in the reflection of others. It’s on us to take the next step or stay in our current holding pattern.

Related: 8 Steps To Improving Your Self-Esteem

I no longer believe it is the absence of mistakes – the adherence to a code – that determines our integrity, but instead it is the awareness of the direction those mistakes are pointing us in and the courage to go there.

So maybe there is another way to define integrity, one that allows for us to make mistakes and allows for us to be human. One that sees the bigger picture. Maybe integrity can also be seen as a “firm adherence to the lessons life presents us; knowing and trusting that each experience exists to deepen our relationship with ourselves.” We just have to pay attention. 

Written By Kacie Main   
Originally Published On Thought Catalog
Should Start Seeing Mistakes As Mirrors pin

— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

, ,
, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

— About the Author —

Kacie Main

Kacie Main likes to write and talk about deep stuff. She wrote a book – I Gave Up Men for Lent, the story of a jaded, hopelessly romantic, health-conscious party girl’s search for meaning – and it is available on Amazon, Kindle, and Audible. She also hosts a podcast – The Better You Podcast – which is dedicated to better understanding our relationship with ourselves.
Leave A Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How Delusional Confidence Can Help You Succeed (Even If You Doubt Yourself)

5 Reasons Why You Should Practice Delusional Confidence

Society tells us to be humble, to wait our turn, to only claim what we can prove. But what if the secret to success isn’t waiting for proof—it’s acting like you already have it?

Some of the most successful people in history weren’t necessarily the smartest, the most talented, or the best prepared. They were the ones who refused to entertain doubt. They acted as if their success was inevitable—until it was.

Delusional confidence is not about arrogance or ignorance; it’s about choosing belief over fear, faith over hesitation. It’s about backing yourself so hard that the universe has no choice but to meet you halfway.

Up Next

A Gentle Guide To Spring Cleaning Every Part Of Your Life

Spring Clean Your Life in 8 Simple Steps!

If you’ve been feeling stuck, unmotivated, or just a little off, you’re not alone. The start of the year can be tough, and sometimes, it feels like we’re just going through the motions. But with spring finally here, it’s the perfect opportunity to reset, refresh, and spring clean your life—not just your home, but your mind, habits, and daily routine.

Think of it as a fresh start, a chance to let go of what’s been weighing you down and make space for new energy and motivation. Whether it’s decluttering your space, breaking free from negative habits, or simply creating more time for yourself, a little spring cleaning can go a long way.

Here are some things you can do over the next few weeks to glow up and snap out of the funk.

Up Next

The ‘Grass Is Greener’ Syndrome: Why You Always Want More (But Never Feel Satisfied)

5 Toxic Signs Of Grass Is Greener Syndrome: Do You Relate?

Do you ever feel like no matter what you have, something better is always out there? That nagging feeling that your relationship, job, or life in general could be more exciting, or just… better? If so, you might be dealing with the Grass is Greener Syndrome.

It’s that restless voice in your head that constantly wonders if you made the wrong choice. You scroll through social media and see people seemingly living their best lives, traveling to exotic destinations, landing dream jobs, or being in picture-perfect relationships. 

And suddenly, what you have feels dull in comparison. This constant chase for something “better” can be exhausting and, more importantly, prevent you from appreciating the present moment.

Let’s learn more about it if you find yourself getting stuck in the ‘Grass is Gr

Up Next

5 Key Mindset Shifts To Make Your Dreams Come True

5 Powerful Mindset Shifts That Will Make Your Dream Life a Reality

Mindset shifts are the key to manifesting your dream life.

Every year, I set goals and made vision boards, convinced that this time, things would change. But by the end of the year, nothing had moved. It felt like I was stuck in the same place, no matter how hard I tried.

Eventually, I realized the problem wasn’t my goals—it was my mindset. I had limiting beliefs running the show, quietly holding me back from everything I wanted. My thoughts were filled with self-doubt, and deep down, I didn’t truly believe I could have the life I was dreaming of.

So, I made a change. I started paying attention to my thoughts and replacing negative ones with self-affirming beliefs. I stopped questioning if I was “good enough” or if my dreams were “too big.” Instead, I started acting as if

Up Next

15 Profound Universal Truths To Understand The Human Condition

15 Profound Universal Truths to Understand the Human Condition

Have you ever noticed how some truths about life just hit different? These universal truths about the human condition are the kind that stick with you long after you’ve heard them.

KEY POINTS

Well-written memoirs often share universal truths that connect with readers on a deeper level.

Universal truths are many, and each of us can have our own unique set.

Learning about others’ universal truths can help you find our own way.

In my memoir writing workshops, I always emphasize the importance of each story having a universal truth. While many are w

Up Next

Are You Too Non Confrontational? Here’s How It’s Sabotaging Your Life

Is Being Non Confrontational A Bad Thing? 5 Clear Reasons

Are you the type of person who stays silent even when something bothers you, just to keep the peace? If so, you might consider yourself as a non confrontational personality. But what if I told you that this trait might be doing you harm, more than helping you?

While avoiding confrontation might seem like the best way to maintain peace in relationships and workplaces, it often comes at a high cost. Let’s dive into why being non confrontational is affecting you and how you can strike a balance between peacekeeping and standing up for yourself.

Up Next

7 Surprising Benefits Of Touching Grass (You’ll Want To Do It Daily!)

7 Cool Benefits Of Touching Grass: (You Should Try It!)

Ever heard someone say, “Go touch some grass”? It’s an internet slang often thrown around as an insult, telling people to log off and reconnect with reality. But behind the sarcasm, there’s actual wisdom in those words. So, let us explore the real benefits of touching grass.

We spend hours glued to screens, scrolling or doom scrolling through social media, binge-watching shows, or getting lost in heated online debates. Spending too much time online can leave you feeling disconnected, drained, and overwhelmed.

The constant floo

— Follow Us —